Me and friends want to try DnDThus ends our story so far - on a lonely boat headed to God knows where. Honestly, I thinks it's impressive we managed to not kill each other or ourselves, let alone achieve something. And yet, here we are - we slew a wyvern, escaped the queen's ambush, kidnapped and murdered the queen and even got away with it.
Not sold here, don't want to to ship from half the world away, setttle for next best thing - Dračí Doupě (translates to Dragon's Lair) - a Czech clone based on the original and reportedly just as good.
Absolute suicide squad - insane dwarven warrior, racist elvish rogue, fat senile human wizard.
DM gets the show on the road.
Villagers see and hear strange stuff in nearby cavern, one of them goes there and gets dragged off by unknown creature. Villagers scared shitless, queen puts out a bounty for whoever finds and kills the mysterious creature.
Our tard squad rolls in.
Arrive to royal city at night, DM gives us a choice - pay for a room in tavern, sleep in tavern stable for free but likely get robbed, or camp outside city walls exposed to elements, wild animals and maybe even bandits.
Everyone is stingy as fuck, we stay outside.
Elf makes fire for warmth, goes "Fuck you untermensch, you make your own fire, I ain't sleeping next to your filthy non-elvish asses".
Insane dwarf has genius plan.
Makes fire underneath a nearby tree, climbs up the tree using rope, bundles up in a blanket on a branch directly above the fire and ties himself to the branch so that he doesn't fall off.
Wizard shrugs and decides to sleep on the tree as well.
DM decides to be a dick.
"The wind is blowing pretty hard tonight, the tree ends up catching on fire."
Elf doesn't help, because who cares about the untermensch.
Wizard gets choice - jump off the tree and save himself, or try to save the stupid fucking dwarf that tied himself to the tree.
Decides to help because he's a bro.
No sharp weapon or cutting tool to cut rope, instead decides to use magic to put fire out.
Rolls to cast gust of wind, just blow that shit out like a candle.
Fails, tree still on fire.
Dwarf rolls to break out of the ropes using strength.
Success, the swole dwarf warrior flexes his muscles and the rope ruptures.
Both jump down, dwarf is now safe but no longer has rope.
"You manage to save the blanket, though. I'm not that much of an asshole."
Gee, thanks, DM
"Where are you gonna sleep now? You don't have a fire and the elf is racist".
"Dude, the tree is still on fire, right?"
Wizard and dwarf sleep near the burning tree.
Morning, everyone is miraculously still alive.
Head for the castle in middle of town
Tard squad has arrived to kick ass and take souvenirs.
Queen takes one look at us, sighs and sends us on our way, fully expecting us to die there.
Tard squad marches out.
Arrive at cavern.
Things are quiet, nothing but mushrooms, spiders, scattered animal and perhaps human bones, typical cave things.
Hear weird animalistic sounds, decide to follow them.
Encounter first obstacle on our grand quest - a small ravine cutting off the tunnel.
Racist elf, being an athletic little shit, leaps over the ravine and goes "Fuck you, you figure this out on your own, untermensch"
Wizard and dwarf drop down to the bottom of 2 meter deep ravine, dwarf gives wizard a boost, wizard pulls dwarf up.
The quest continues.
Some spelunking later, reach a large room branching into 3 small corridors.
The floor is soft and muddy, in the middle of the room is an empty eggshell roughly the size of an ostrich egg.
Whatever it is, we're in it's nest.
While exploring the corridors (all are dead ends), we hear that strange noise again - it's close and getting even closer.
Everyone ducks down into one of the corridors, hiding in the darkness and preparing for battle.
A fucking wyvern strolls in.
It's not that large, and it's wings seem somewhat crippled, but come the fuck on, we've barely started playing!
Start deciding on a plan while the wyvern sniffs around the cave - it can smell we're here but it doesn't see us yet.
Elf decides to use the moment of surprise, as well as his agility and stealth, to sneak up on the wyvern and jump onto it's back to keep it distracted while we, the ones who are actually any good in battle, fuck it up.
Denied! Roll failed - elf gets smacked across the cavern by the wyvern's tail and breaks a rib or two, as well as becoming stunned.
Plan B - wizard will launch a fireball into the wyvern's face to stun it for a second while the dwarf charges into the beast with his big ass battleaxe.
Denied! Roll failed - the wizard's fireball misses.
Dwarf has no other choice but to attack wyvern anyway, hoping that the flaming ball of fury whizzing past it at least distracted it.
Denied! Roll failed - gets smacked aside as well, not injured because heavy armor but still stunned.
If you listen closely, you might still be able to hear DM laughing his ass off.
Wyvern tries to finish off dwarf, dwarf breaks out of daze and gets an extremely lucky roll - not only does he block the wyvern's bite by smacking it in the jaw with his battleaxe's haft, but he also managed to squeeze in a counterattack, swinging the axe and catching the creature's wing.
The wyvern staggers back, wounded and slightly stunned.
The elf chucks a throwing knife at the wyvern and misses.
The wizard tries to throw the beast even more off balance by conjuring a gust of wind, hoping to knock it down on the ground to make it vulnerable.
Roll fails, gust only gently shoves wyvern.
Once again, it's up to the crazy warrior dwarf - he charges at the wyvern with all his strength.
Wyvern leaps out of the way.
Wizard is pissed now, throws a powerful fireball at the wyvern.
Wyvern is hit in the neck and collapses, wounded and stunned.
Dwarf runs in, leaps into the air and brings down the axe on the wyvern's neck, cleanly decapitating it.
Victory is celebrated, fists are bumped, wyvern head is collected into a sack.
Dwarf (named Grabnar) decides to call himself Grabnar the Dragonslayer from now on. Everyone tells him it was a wyvern, not a dragon, but he doesn't care.
Suddenly hear strange whining sounds coming from behind a rock.
Turns out, there was a baby wyvern there this whole time. It was woken up by all this commotion, but obviously, we couldn't hear it through the sounds of battle.
Fuck it, we gon' keep this thing.
DM warns us that raising a wyvern would be a real fucking hassle, not to mention that it's a fucking wyvern for God's sake.
Okay, maybe we'll just present it to the queen and let her keep it if she wants it.
Try to approach baby wyvern.
Poor thing is terrified and snaps at us if we get close.
Try giving it some food.
Dwarf picks up smol wyvern (about the size of a larger dog, relatively easy to carry around).
Mission accomplished, let's go claim the reward and get drunk.
Reach the ravine, small complication here - wyvern is fucking heavy, how do we get this thing over the ravine.
Elf jumps over the ravine, dwarf throws the fucking wyvern at him (poor thing), wizard and dwarf get over the ravine the usual way.
Way back to city is uneventful.
Tard squad has returned.
Enter throne room, present severed wyvern head and smol wyvern.
Queen looks surprised, impressed, even.
She commends our valor and competence... and then calls the guards.
Turns out, she never had any intention of paying us the reward - she expected us to die there. And since that didn't happen, she's going to have to take care of it herself by sentencing us to death over some made up bullshit.
And she has the smol wyvern taken away to be killed, too.
Elf casts some kind of temporary mind control spell (didn't even know he could do that) and uses it to paralyze everyone long enough for him to run up to the queen and put a knife under her throat.
Everyone breaks out of daze and stares at whatever the fuck just happened.
Elf uses his speech ability to convince the guards to release everyone and fuck off under the threat of murdering the queen, then demands the promised reward.
Guards fuck off, Queen's servants bring a hefty sack of fantasy bitcoin.
Dwarf grabs smol wyvern, wizard grabs bitcoin, elf grabs queen and everyone hustles to the front gate.
Walk out into the courtyard, archers everywhere.
Elf tries using the hostage queen as leverage again, the speech roll fails.
"You don't have the balls to kill her lol"
Suddenly get an idea.
Elf has speech and a special ability called Pretend, while the wizard is a smart cookie and has a special ability called Brag.
Cook up a plan - those two are going to try to convince the archers that the smol wyvern is deadly. Elf can bullshit them using speech and Pretend, while the wizard can use his wisdom to spout some bullshit-but-legit-sounding facts while using Brag to embellish everything about wyverns.
It works, the archers are shitting their pants at the sight of our "tamed, trained death machine"
Stroll through the town with the soldiers at our heels and the dwarf holding out the poor, confused wyvern at everyone menacingly.
Reach the rear gate that leads towards the forest. Elf tells the soldiers to not even think about following us further, or the queen will die and the wyvern will fuck their shit up.
It works - the terrified and confused soldiers stay at the gates while we disappear into the forest.
Once we're under the cover of thick greenery, the Elf slits the Queen's throat (because seriously, fuck that bitch), pockets her crown (Ooh, shiny!) and everyone takes off running.
Soldiers start snapping at our heels again after a while, but we have a headstart and the soldiers can't ride their horses in the thick forest - they have to follow us on foot. Eventually, they give up.
Keep making our way through the forest until evening. Confident that we lost the soldiers, we settle down for the night.
Racist elf concedes to sleeping around the same fire with us this time.
Use rope to tie wyvern to tree and tie it's muzzle shut, just in case it tries biting through the ropes.
Wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of wyvern whining.
Even with it's muzzle tied, it's fucking loud and if anyone is still looking for us, they'll definitely find us if we don't shut this thing up.
Try feeding it, maybe it's hungry.
Nope, still making noise.
The smartass wizard suggests that maybe it misses it's mother as baby wyverns usually sleep under their mother's wings for warmth and safety.
Dwarf volunteers to pretend to be wyvern's mother.
Tries to snuggle up with smol wyvern under a blanket.
Wyvern calms down a bit, but then it suddenly freaks out and bites off part of dwarf's ear.
Dwarf shoots up, spewing obscenities in an ancient dwarven language nobody understands, which is probably for the best.
"Of course", says the smartass wizard, "you don't smell like it's mother. That's why it freaked out".
Dwarf gets another brilliant idea.
Pulls out bloodied sack that used to contain the head of the adult wyvern.
"This does smell like it's mother, doesn't it?"
"Oh well, might as well try"
Throw the sack over the wyvern like a blanket.
It works. Morbidly enough, being covered with a rag soaked with the blood of it's mother actually seems to comfort the wyvern.
With that out of the way, everyone settles down for the night.
Time to find the way out of this forest.
Turns out, the elf is not a forest elf but a hill elf. He doesn't know shit about navigating in a dense forest.
"Yes, there is a difference you assholes!"
Smartass wizard butts in.
"It's fine, we can easily determine which way is north just by looking at the moss. It always faces north."
Okay, guess we're going north.
Find a river.
"Let's follow the river. That's the easiest way to find our way out of the forest"
Damn, is this guy a wizard or a boy scout?
Find our way out of the forest, stumble upon a coastal town with a port.
Turns out, the news hasn't spread here yet - while we took it straight through the large forest, the messenger to warn the local guards against us has to go around it.
We buy some supplies (the elf, being an asshole, gave us only fractions of the reward and convinced us that's all we got while keeping the rest for himself) and get on the first boat headed towards the kingdom of Anywhere Fucking Else because at this point we're pretty much fugitive outlaws - we could be charged with treason, extortion, robbery, regicide and God knows what else.
|1||My friend after biking 4,374 miles across the United States. From Washington to Maine.||/pics||link||79532|
|2||Upvote in 30 seconds and the employment parrot will make all your career dreams come true.||/PartyParrot||link||68536|
|3||By always blaming Millenials, we are showing that our generation (which raised them) doesn't take responsibility for our problems.||/Showerthoughts||link||61962|
|5||The Titanic compared to a modern day cruise ship||/pics||link||55583|
|6||What a fascinating trap||/interestingasfuck||link||54555|
|7||Russian rocket league||/funny||link||53733|
|8||You have to stop that chief||/gaming||link||53854|
|9||Ever seen a bucket of baby sea turtles? Got to release them last night into the ocean||/aww||link||48298|
|10||[Image] Do the Thing||/GetMotivated||link||45639|
|11||My friends shoes blend in with the rocks||/mildlyinteresting||link||44859|
|12||China kills AI chatbots after they start praising US, criticising communists||/worldnews||link||43883|
|13||TIL According to his biography, Kim Jung-Il first picked up a golf club in 1994, at North Korea's only golf course, and shot a 38-under par round that included no fewer than 11 holes in one. Satisfied with his performance, he reportedly immediately declared his retirement from the sport.||/todayilearned||link||38770|
|14||Dog Can't Stop Smiling Because He Has Mastered The Sea||/aww||link||38390|
|15||TIL that there is little evidence that Kim Jong-il and the North Korean media ever claimed that he made any kind of improbable golf score. Even North Korean officials say it is an urban myth.||/todayilearned||link||37963|
|16||The Lion The Witch and The Nigga||/BlackPeopleTwitter||link||34925|
|17||Set your wifi password to 2444666668888888||/Jokes||link||37090|
|18||Hallucinations arise when the brain gives more weight to its expectations and beliefs about the world than to the sensory evidence it receives||/science||link||32161|
|19||Stuck on a road trip with the dog||/thisismylifenow||link||32172|
|20||If you were a dictator what is the pettiest thing that would be punishable by death?||/AskReddit||link||29398|
|21||My grandmother turned 98 this week. This is her in her full nursing uniform during WWII.||/OldSchoolCool||link||33619|
|22||Well I thought it was funny...||/Tinder||link||28554|
|23||Indian diplomat likens Ivanka Trump to 'half-wit Saudi prince' ahead of summit where she will lead US delegation||/politics||link||28383|
|24||Icicle Jump - Halo 3||/gaming||link||28203|
|25||Trump: US 'locked and loaded' on N Korea - BBC News||/worldnews||link||28708|
|27||Knife robber tries to rob Glasgow shop but is beaten with mop, tries to rob nearby shop and is beaten with mop again||/nottheonion||link||27124|
|28||The tables have turned||/funny||link||28149|
|30||Feeling that burn||/BlackPeopleTwitter||link||25575|
|31||Good morning Madam.||/trippinthroughtime||link||26684|
|32||Twitch streamer leaves everyone mind fucked after a game of GeoGuesser||/videos||link||26809|
|35||I pass these pipes every morning on my bike ride to work. Thought you guys might like them.||/oddlysatisfying||link||27584|
|36||$100 of Bitcoin in 2010 is now $4.3M [OC]||/dataisbeautiful||link||24586|
|38||What will be the "turns out cigarettes are bad for us" of our generation?||/AskReddit||link||27229|
|39||Let's drive through a vehicle entry barrier WCGW?||/Whatcouldgowrong||link||21810|
|40||I just got home from a friends funeral, he drowned last week...||/Jokes||link||21403|
|41||'GLOW’: Netflix Renews Women’s Wrestling Comedy For Season 2||/television||link||21185|
|42||Highway to the sky||/woahdude||link||21790|
|44||A Golden snoot to brighten your day||/rarepuppers||link||20587|
|45||Naranja, 12x12, oil on canvas||/Art||link||20063|
|46||My tattoo artist made this for his station.||/rickandmorty||link||19982|
|47||It's not fair! I bought the costume, how can they not recognize me as a master!||/PrequelMemes||link||21487|
|48||The Onion is savage AF||/nba||link||20735|
|49||Navy secretary on transgender troops: 'Any patriot' should be allowed to serve||/politics||link||22630|
|50||🔥A rare yet deadly fire storm🔥||/NatureIsFuckingLit||link||19357|
|After the crazy adventure you embarked on, what are you up to now? And how did the experience impact you personally? :)||My god, the confidence is incredible. I now have done the scariest thing most people can imagine and I enjoyed it immensely. It's hard to get scared of the challenges of this world when you have that under your belt. I'm 23, I'm a part-time mattress salesman, part-time Bitcoin news aggregator. I'm in a fantastic relationship and the future is fucking bright. :D.|
|Sounds like a solid career plan.||Hell yes, one thing is for sure, putting that on a resume WILL get you the interview.|
|That's awesome, my SO and I have always talked about just selling all of our belongings and going traveling, this inspires me to start bugging him about it again :P.||Awesome! I also made a video a while back if you need more motivation. Link to www.youtube.com|
|You are so adorable! I want to be best friends with you.||Aaawww.|
|Good on you for doing this. I've done a few such trips/journeys in my life as well (except with different goals, constraints, etc.), and like you it changed my outlook on life and my fellow man/woman forever. How many miles would you estimate you traveled in those two years? What was your favorite location and why? And of course the reverse, what was a shithole you couldn't wait to get out of and why?||Hello fellow traveler! Glad to hear you got a lot out of it as well. I would say I travelled approx. 3000 miles total, crossing the country twice and going up and down coasts a few times.|
|Stockton!! My wife and I were both born there. Shitty town indeed.||Glad to hear ya'll are out!|
|My town was actually mentioned on reddit! Stuart florida is where its at man!||Hey! Do you know the Vintage Guitar Shop that used to be there?|
|What about Houston?||Didn't spend much time there, but I do hope to soon!|
|Where did you poop? If outside, did you carry toilet paper?||Best question ever. EVER. I always pooped indoors, fast food restaurants mostly. Sometimes libraries and other establishments, but mostly fast food places.|
|Were you ever harassed by the cops for loitering/sleeping in public/etc.? If so, how did they handle your lack of I.D.?||I got two tickets for "trespassing" (sleeping on private property), one cop to search my bags for drugs (Not my thing) and several skeptical questionings. There were also a few times where I got tired of hitching and decided to just walk on the highway so a cop would give me a ride to the next exit. Worked almost every time. :D.|
|How did you pay the fines for the tickets?||Let's just say I didn't pay them...|
|What (if anything) came of it?||Nothing, they were local so as long as I don't get in any legal trouble in those cities I'm fine.|
|When did you decided enough is enough and it's time to head home?||Actually, part of why I left was to get away from my abusive parents. I went back when I decided I wanted to see them with new eyes, to make sure I wasn't just being young and rebellious. I've since cut ties with them for good. Best decision ever. :)|
|Sweet, were you ever in a life threatening situation?||Nope.|
|What did you do during winter months? I mean, depending on where you ended up, it's awful hard surviving the elements.||Like the birds, south for the winter. Texas, Arizona, Louisiana, Florida.|
|Would still freeze in texas and arizona though. I live in texas.||Me too, warm sleeping bags are still essential.|
|Could you comment on what your absolute necessities were, what you carried with you at all times?||A lot of the time I had literally only a sleeping bag, sometimes books, sometimes a guitar, sometimes a tent, etc. also a bag of paper notes from people I met. Still have that. :)|
|How was Minnesota?||Didn't make it to MN on that trip, been there since (in summer) loved it.|
|When arriving at a location, were you preferential to any routines?||Look around, find a place to sleep, find other travelers.|
|Any wildlife encounters?||Almost stepped on a rattle snake! Jeee-Zus!|
|How many times did you get laid?||Enough. ;)|
|What did your friends say when you told them of your plan? Did some try and talk you out of it? Did some want to join you?||At the time I was having a falling out with some major friends (I was becoming an Athiest) but the other friends and coworkers I told thought it was crazy, but crazy awesome. I think it was inconceivable to them at the time. No one tried to talk me out of it, but no one wanted to join either.|
|You mentioned in another comment about your abusive parents. Did you grow up in a very religious community? Did you coming out as an atheist influence your relationship with your parents?||Nail on the head. Evangelical Christians. Turns out their love is conditional on doing what they want you to do.|
|Why no ID?||Because it's awesomer (now a word), I wanted to go as far to the bottom as I could.|
|What was the best and the worst you found down there?||Best: Knowing I could live and enjoy what most people consider the scariest.|
|Worst: Wasn't able to go to all the cool money-costing things.|
|I was kind of hoping for. Best: (a remarkable story about human kindness) Worst: (A terrifying story involving a satanic sex cult, a truckload of ferrits and a currently seated Senator) A follow up question: Why?||What if I told you a remarkable story about a trucking sex cult of ferrit senators teaching me lessons of sexy human kindness? And why? Because it was fun!|
|Go on...||We'll lets just say never talk to a French canary unless you're ready to line dance with Frank Zappa again.|
|You have lived the life I dream about||exquisite|
|I guess I'm curious about more details about how you got enough food every day? How did people react when you asked for "throwaway food"? How did your family/friends react to all this? Did you tell them you were going to do this before you left or did you just take off?||Okay, so when I felt hunger coming on I would go to the nearest restaurant/gas station/place with food and tell them what I was doing and ask if they had any food they were going to throw away or work I could do in exchange for food. Most were at least nice in saying no (usually for legal reasons(lawsuits)) but many actually whipped something up, something new and fresh, those people were awesome! Some reacted rudely or confusedly, but the vaaast majority were at least nice. :). My family/friends thought it was absolutely nuts, some knew beforehand but others just heard through the grapevine. As far as skyping, message me some times that work for you, I'm in central time.|
|How old were you when you embarked and what made you decide you wanted to do that? Every day The thought of just fucking off like that crosses my mind.||I was 20, I wanted to radically change the direction of my life, and what better way to do so? I learned about things I could never have imagined existed and I'll tell you it was one HELL of an education.|
|That is awesome. But did it drastically change your life? Are you humble & don't need money to be happy? Or did you learn something and apply that to make more money or what did you learn??||I would say It helped me see money as more of a tool than anything. If the money isn't fun, it's not worth going after. Once I got that happiness ought to be the goal and not money, money became easier to obtain and less scary.|
|I know you're done for the night, but hopefully you'll answer a few extra questions sparked by your "one HELL of an education". How did you decide where you wanted to go (after you went to Oregon)? I saw you mention in a different comment that you tried to find other travelers when you got to a city. How does one do that? Message board, gathering place? What, if anything, did you sort of "toss in" which ended up really coming in handy? And last but not least, simply any other advice you'd have that might seem obvious to you, but not to something only starting to consider hitching?||It quickly becomes natural, but you look for tourist areas, street musicians, people with big backpacks, etc. Take this as an opportunity to practice being somewhat of a radical. Test the bounds of what is socially acceptable and determine when it is a good idea to run beyond those bounds. Try to live so differently from how you live now that you'll have no choice but to see the world differently on the other end. Be the guy you want to be. But you must build him(her), he won't just come when you ask him to, you must prove that you are worth his presence. BONUS QUESTION: I loved traveling alone, I saw it as a great opportunity to get to know myself (and practice #6), traveling with a partner is not bad, but I think being alone will help you in ways a partner cannot. Learning to be comfortable alone is key. Plus, you'll always make friends and travel with them short-term, so you will never be too lonely. Also, you can do a lot more alone. If you're alone you only need a consensus of one which although sometimes may not be easy, is a hell of a lot easier than a consensus of two or three. Aye! Of course! The most important advice! Have fun! Thanks for the good questions, feel free to let me know how the adventure goes, my message box is always open. :D.|
|Reminds me of Alexander Supertramp||It's an honor.|
|What was the worst and best thing strangers did foto you?||The worst was a man who decided to molest me in my sleep. I became much more cautious about people after that and did not have anything similar happen ever again.|
|The best were numerous, being given guitars was great. All the people who gave great meals, advice, rides, places to stay, stories and tips for where to go were awesome.|
|What is the most memorable advice you received?||"Never fall into bored submission" and "You'll do fine wherever you go, kid."|
|Wow, that's heavy, there's some amount of weirdos out there! How was your mood, we're you down a lot? Or embracing life?||Most of the time it was a blast, but that was a shitty time as one can imagine...|
|I want to put the former on my wall. I want to put both on my children's wall, if I ever have any.||Do it, send me pictures. :)|
|Of course! I would have thought enough was enough at that stage||Yeah, but the other rewards were great, and I learned how to avoid that. I had been getting bad vibrations from the guy, but ignored them. No more of that.|
|Well, I guess I'll start. Did you have any crazy experiences? Was there a reason you did it?||Getting a ride from the leader of the local chapter of the KKK -Hopping a train from California to Oregon -Traveling with crust punks and hippies -Being given a total of 5 free guitars on my journey.|
|Why did I do it? I wanted to go out and see the world without having money or joining some group. I wanted to see what life was like on the bottom, or as close as I could get.|
|What is crust punk? What happened to all the guitars? Glad you are safe and well!||Homeless punk rockers. :) As far as the guitars I gave them up when I was done with them. Thanks!|
|What does "on the bottom" mean to you? To me, it means living under a bridge with several untreatable horrible diseases, no support whatsoever, and getting physically attacked daily, or something.||If that happened to you, I have to say that absolutely sucks and I'm sorry. As for me, yes it could have been "worse", but that's not what I'm referring to. I mean being by most people's standards "on the bottom", no money, no social standing, few resources.|
|If you could re-live one day of this journey...which day and why?||I think the first day, it would be fun to feel what it was like pre-adventure again, I'd love to compare my happiness to now. (Much happier now)|
|What was the most fucked up thing that happened?||I was walking towards the desert in Blythe, California getting ready to find a spot to camp, when a drunk man in a poncho comes up to me and says his name is Running Bear. He offers me vodka and says I can stay in his shanty. He points to the arco gas station and says "You see that gas station? I built that with my own two handsss, man!" He took me to his uncle's property where his shanty was and showed me his uncle's barn, which was full of giant tires and explains "Don't sleep in there, the black widows will eat you alive!" he then shows me his uncles giant fiberglass tubs. "Don't sleep in there! That shit will cut you up!" He explained that he and his girlfriend, a "skinny white bitch with biiig fake titties" would cook a rotisserie chicken for dinner. The chicken was raw and sitting out in the open air outside on a table. There were peppers and lemons near it. He explained that I could sleep in his shanty and I did, but I woke up not too long later to hear him and his girlfriend arguing, ending with him pouring gasoline all over her. That was very scary and sad, I didn't know what to do so I just left.|
|What was the most amazing?||Same goes for amazing, but I'll just say when I arrived in New Paltz, NY and within a few minutes some friendly voices asked if I wanted to go swimming. :)|
|What surprised you the most?||Also hard to answer, but for now I'll say the sheer amount of people living this kind of life. Maybe millions in the US alone.|
|What didn't you realize ahead of time that should have seemed stupidly obvious?||NOT TO BRING 100 POUNDS OF STUFF.|
|What's the worst and best parts about not carrying an ID?||Worst, maybe more risky? Didn't really find out. Best? More badass.|
|What did you miss the most while you were out there?||Consistency, I love surprises and chosen instability if it's for something worthwhile, but I'm glad to be in a predictable world again.|
|What do you miss most now that you're back?||Spontaneity. The opposite of the above. But fundamentally I'm glad to be here times 1 million, just as I was glad to be there times 1 million. :)|
|What did you do for personal hygiene? Showers, clothes, etc.||At the time (things have changed) I showered a couple times a month on average, when I was invited into someone's home, or I swam.|
|How did your hair look in the end (head and face!)?||Face has always been pretty clean as I seem to be incapable of bearding.|
|How did you handle coming back (financially)?||Started from the bottom, asked for help, and worked like hell.|
|I'd like to add that I'm jealous and wish I could man up and do this. I've wanted to for years, but it's hard to drop all of my friends and family and leave them worried.||I always say if it's gonna be one of those things you're gonna kick yourself for you might as well do it. We all will die one day.|
|What would you say is a good age to go on such an adventure? I'm sure being young helped against any hitch-hiking suspicions from others.||Being young helps, but as long as you don't look crazy and aren't an asshole, you should be fine. Too many people use age as an excuse for anything.|
|Ive dreamed about doing this sort of thing before, the only thing really holding me back is my girlfriend. did you start out with any sort of itinerary? a list of spots you wanted to see? what did you bring with you, change of clothes maybe? backpack? protection? it hought if were to ever actually start to walk i would want a gun or some sort of fighting proficiency. What tips would you provide to the intrepid traveler?||On weapons: I did start out with a knife, but soon realized I'd rather just not put myself in situations where I'd need protection and ditched it. Never needed it. When I started I brought everything. Tent, axe, books, everything. I kept getting rid of more and more stuff until I had just a sleeping bag and a couple odds and ends. When I started, I wanted to go to Oregon, and I did, then when I did that I just went wherever I wanted to. :)|
|Where and when (month-wise) did you start? how long did it take to get to oregon? was that leg of the trip more walking or hitching rides?||Orange, CA. October 1st. It took about two weeks to get to Oregon, I was mostly hitch-hiking, but I was just learning at that point.|
|Sounds somewhat like Into the Wild. Was it a similar experience?||Very similar, except I chose not to try to escape my fellow man.|
|What's the best way to safely pick up a hitchhiker, or to safely hitchhike?||For both: talk to them. Get a good reading on them. Are they calm, happy, attentive? You may be in the car for a while, do they seem like they'd be fun to hang out with for a while. AVOID CHARITY CASES, either their car broke down and it's no big deal or they're on an adventure and don't want charity cause they're having fun. In both cases, play it safe, there will be plenty others. My average pick up time was about a minute, so if you don't pick them up someone else will. Make sense?|
|What are you up to these days?||I live in Austin, I'm a part-time mattress salesman, part-time Bitcoin news aggregator. I'm building an awesome relationship and those are my major focuses. :)|
|Should also note that I'm working towards getting my income completely online so my SO and I can travel regularly, maybe full time.|
|Hi! Thanks for sharing your experiences! My question is, based on your experiences, how do you think the experience would differ if you were female? Did you encounter a lot of women on your travels as well or was it mostly men? Any other relevant thoughts about how gender would affect an experience like this?||Hey there, being a dude makes it easier I'm sure. The women I encountered were either in partnerships, teams or packing weapons and a dog. Unfortunately we live in a world where men like to rape from time to time and that is something to be aware of. Although I can't give direct advice on the subject, I can say it is possible but to be smart. Wish the world was different. :(|
|What was the most unbelievable/craziest thing you saw on your travels?||That's a HARD question to answer, so I'll give a crazy thing. I was picked up by a team of traveling magazine salesmen. They were all young and shared the same hotel room. (I have my doubts they were actually selling magazines) the leader took me to a strip club and said he wanted to hire me as a bodyguard and would train me with firearms. I got the hell out. Crazy enough? :D.|
|This is one thing normal people don't usually believe about traveling. Things get weird fast when you jump off the map.||Hell, things are already pretty weird on the map!|
|Is that right? or are you exaggerating? I imagine there'd be some stigmas attached to such an awesome adventure. what kind of labeling has been layed on you?||If you know how to tell a story right, you can get anyone excited. They'll bring you in just cause they want to hear the story.|
|Do you fear that as you acclimatise to being back in a modern society that the joy you achieved as essentially a stoneage traveller will turn to depression as you find that the travelling nature of humanity is strangled out of you by things such as work and sitting down?||Fuck no! I feared that, but I'm now working towards getting my income online so my SO and I can travel regularly! Plus after doing that for two years I really appreciate me some stability. :D.|
|So what was your typical day like?||Typical day is hard to say. If I was trying to get somewhere, I would be standing on the side of the road with my thumb out or walking. I sometimes walked for days at a time. When I would get hungry, I would go from restaurant to restaurant asking if they had any "throw-away" food I could have for free.|
|If I was in a city or town I wanted to stay in for a while, I would be hanging out with other travelers, playing music, asking for tourists leftovers or exploring.|
|Lots of aviation, but this is as close to a typical description I could give you for now.|
|aviation.||YES AVIATION!!! LOTS OF AVIATION! No, err, umm variation, autocorrect.|
|Good god, you're as fast as you are chirpy.||Blows smoke from recently fired pistol.|
|You mentioned that you brought books with you. Have you ever thought of writing one about your travels and adventures? I would imagine plenty of people (including myself) would enjoy reading it.||I have thought about it, what would be interesting to you in a book like that?|
|I'm sure you had plenty of crazy experiences and learned some important life lessons on your journey. Both of which would be worth reading about. I'm pretty sure everyone has wished they could do what you did at one point in time.||I'll continue thinking about it, it would be fun to write a book...|
|Hey, I hope it isn't too late to ask some questions: Did you ever get mugged or robbed on your way? And what's the best advise you might have for someone who wants to do something like this? Thanks!||Nope, no mugging. I did leave a tent in the woods for a while and it was gone when I got back, but I would hardly call that a robbery. The best advice? If you want to do it, go do it. But that's good general advice too. :D.|
|Zombies..||Zombies love hitch-hikers. Case closed.|
|I'd love to, in fact I'm planning to after my degree :)||Do it! Have a ton of fun!|
|What kind of books do you read?||George Orwell - Down & Out in Paris & London.|
|Stefan Molyneux - On Truth, The Tyranny of Illusion.|
|Timothy Ferris - The Four Hour Work Week.|
|Dale Carnegie - How to Stop Worrying and Start Living.|
|Ayn Rand - The Fountainhead.|
|There's many others but these are the first that come to mind.|
|Did you ever met Kai the hatchet wielding hitchiker ?||Unfortunately no...|
|Ok, have to ask: How did your mom and dad feel about this adventure?||Scared shitless, but I should clarify that my parents were not good people and this also helped me get away from them.|
|Damned sorry to hear that. Sounds like you turned out pretty well though. Stay pure!||Thank you, I think I did pretty well with the random crazy I was born into.|
|How often did you have to sleep in the woods? When did you decide the tent was not needed?||I'd say 75% of nights were spent in the woods, I was rarely getting rained on and lugging around the tent was a bummer, so I decided just to use the sleeping bag and find other modes of shelter ( buildings, tall trees, etc.) for those few rainy nights. Eventually I discovered that tarp are the best things ever for rain protection.|
|Was there any part of your adventure where you were stuck with no options and thought "damn this was a bad idea..." ?||Not really, I always had options. But sometimes I was scared that I finally had run out. I now think I'll always have options until I'm dead.|
|What do you think were the most important skills?||Understanding psychology, trusting my guts, logic ( to avoid crazy people), improvisation, understanding fear, assertiveness, curiosity.|
|Congrats. Sincerely. Like many others here I have long dreamt of doing the same. Have you considered sharing more of your stories in the form of a novel? I would love to read about it, in more detail than here. Did you every feel on the brink of giving up and going back to the norm? If so, what made you feel that way, other than the stability?||As far as the novel goes, that may be something I'm interested in, but at least at this point, I'm not. What kinds of details would you be interested in hearing more about?|
|As far as "giving up", no, I don't think so. I don't see what I'm doing now as much different, just a later section of the same life. I loved hitch-hiking, but I also love having a job, and an apartment, and buying cool soap dispensers. I think life can and might as well be awesome and it wasn't difficult to stay away from not being awesome, if that makes sense. :D.|
|I'm sorry I didn't mean giving up in that notion. what I meant to say was, at any point did anything happen to you or maybe just home sickness that had you wanting to go home, or to see your friends? Sorry for the poor grammar and all. 420.||Not really no. I didn't like my home life so much.|
|Simple question but how old are you?||Simpler answer 24 tomorrow. :)|
|So how old were you when you left home?||I was 20.|
|What' styling you down? If you don't mind a stranger prying..||"Brooo... What's stylin, man?"|
|I know some travelers and they all seem to have acquired some sort if nick name over the years, were you ever given a street name?||I gave myself the name "Felix Walker" then later just called myself "Home."|
|Interesting. Any particular reasoning that you wouldn't mind sharing?||Sure, Felix is Latin for happy and Walker is English for walker, plus it's catchy! Home was the name of an Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeroes song I really liked at the time, it was clever due to my "homelessness" and it was catchy!|
|Hahaha I like that. You seem to have good humor, I'm sure that served you well in some less-than-comfortable situations I'm sure you found yourself in.||Humor always helps.|
|So, I was also a big fan of Into The Wild. I was wondering, have you crossed over the Salton Sea at all? I have planned to take a trip their senior year of high school (Junior now). I just want to explore the country before I start all my hard work you know?||I haven't, but you should! Please take some time off, everyone wants it, everyone needs it, not enough do it. It'll make you wiser and more badass.|
|No doubt man. Thanks for answering!||No worries!|
|Any advice for someone who wants to do something similar? I hope to one day take off on my bike from my home in wisconsin and keep going south until i hit ocean - hopefully on the southern tip of south america! Im currently a freshman in high school, so i have plenty of time. I've been thinking of taking a year off from school after i finish high school, before going to college. Is that a good idea, or should i wait until after college?||Brother, if you weren't legally bound to stay in school now I'd say go now! A lot of people tell themselves they'll wait until after their first year of college to do X, then until after they graduate, then until after they've had a good job on their resume, then after they're married, then after they have kids, then after the kids are grown, then when they retire. By that time their motivation is gone and their health is going. Don't do that. Either do it now or do it soon. It'll be awesome.|
|Thanks for the encouragement! How much of your trip was planned? Did you just take off one day or did you map out a specific route?||No worries, I started with the goal to go from souther California to Corvallis Oregon, after that I had flexible, general goals that I made up as I went along i.e. Get to East Coast, Go to New York, go back to California, etc.|
|What did you eat?? I'd love to do this but I get suuuper cranky without my food. I think I'd need to pussy out a little and bring money for food.||Food! You'll be fine, lots of strangers will give you grub. I came nowhere near starving.|
|How kawaii is your ass?||Not very.|
|Edit: I missed a great chance to say "it would make your heart go dokidoki." I am a failure.|
|The name is actually from when I got this job, I said I was going to be the most kawaii ass pizza girl ever, and I was gonna buy some thigh highs and wear those with black shorts and wear pigtails and just be so cute that I would rake in tons of tips. But that's not uniform, and I look terrible in polo shirts, so that didn't happen.|
|How much would a college boy have to tip to see your boobs??||Are we talking like, flashing, or letting them get a real good look?|
|I'll cut to the REAL chase. how much bitcoin to see you go wild?||Ha, no.|
|Have you ever gone to a party immediately after work that the cops busted? If so, did you do the ole 'I'm just the pizza deliverer!' And slip on out?||I'm not really a partier, so that's never happened to me. Like, my idea of a party is having all my friends over so we can play League in the same room together with netflix on in the background.|
|Hey, I've got 2 questions for ya, if you've got the time.||Biggest tip was probably 30ish dollars for an order to a bar, but the order was over 200 dollars, and thats just what happens. Biggest proportional tip was a 20 dollar tip on a 40 dollar order.|
|What is the best tip you've ever received? Who was the biggest d'bag you've ever delivered to, and what did he do to be labeled as such?||There is this one guy who lives in some of the nicest/most expensive apartments in the area, and he orders pizza like, once a week, sometimes more, and he always tips the cent amount up to the next dollar, and for some reason, I always deliver to this guy, and I'm always charming, and get it there in under 20 minutes most of the time, and he's always reasonably happy, and I just look at that 40 cent tip and see all that is wrong with world.|
|Thanks. Lastly, so percentage wise, what kind of tip would you call fair?||It's less about ticket price for us because of the driving, but most drivers consider 1-2 dollars to be kind of shitty, 3 dollars to be good/average, 4 dollars to be great, and 5+ to be "let me deliver to this person forever and always"|
|That being said, getting a 5 dollar tip on a 100 dollar order is still really disappointing.|
|Edit: If I had to give a percentage, it'd be the same as waitresses, at least 15 percent.|
|My girlfriend and I ran out of food in our apartment last week during an 8 inch snow storm. Decided to see if any delivery pizza place was open and we ended up getting like $25 worth of food and I gave the guy a $10 tip. Was that too little?||Nah, he was probably really grateful for it. Anything over 5, regardless of whether is seen as brag-worthy, at least where I am at.|
|What's your coolest story about the job?||I recently delivered to a police stake out. I got out of my car at a hotel, and a guy came running out on me, so I grabbed my pepper spray, he flashed is badge and asked what room I was delivering to, and said "get back in the car m'am." Then he came an escorted me to a room with 20-odd police officers and various police-ey equipment. Got a 7 dollar tip out of it, which isn't too bad, but I probably missed out on a few deliveries waiting in my car. That was neat. I never get the super intersting deliveries, my boyfriend delivers pizza as well and he routinely delivers to strip clubs, which is just no fair. I just get a load of druggies and mid-sex people.|
|Da fuck is mid sex people?||We always tell people delivery times which on a slow-reasonable night can be up to 20 minutes higher than the actual time, so sometimes people are like "eyo, we have time, lets rub our genitals together" and then you wait outside a door for 5 minutes while the guy struggles to get dressed, answers the door with sex hair, breathing heavily, throws the money at you, and slams the door in your face. You can just tell.|
|I have a couple questions since I deliver Chinese food and thought about doing pizza. Do you charge extra for delivery, if so, does that go to you? How much do you think you average per hour (including tips) at the end of the day?||It's 3.50 and 1.25 of that goes to you, and because I work dinner shifts at a college store, I probably make more than average, about 8-10 dollars and hour on weeknights and up to 20 dollars an hour thursday-sunday just from tips. Gets slower when school it out, like right now.|
|How often do you get hit on by your customers and what was the worst flirt you've heard since you started?||It's actually not as common as one would think. Or maybe I'm just desensitized to normal, subtle flirting, since I spent a lot of my high school years in Magic the Gathering shops. People there get weird.|
|The catcalling is actually worse, and more common.|
|Have you ever been offered to be paid in any form of sexual favour?||When I delivered to my boyfriend once, he told me my tip was his dick later that night. Then he gave me a 15 dollar tip because I was having a really slow night.|
|So pizza order to a party, how the hell do you find who ordered it?!||Well, with greek parties and parties on campus in general, they have to meet you outside the building, so you just call them until they answer, and if they don't, sucks for them no pizza. At apartments, news travels pretty fast in re of "hey the pizza is here" "piizzaaa" "piiza?" "hey get x, the pizza is here" "oh my god pizza I love you" and then eventually it is payed for and I get to leave, generally laughing.|
|What's your major and favorite topping?||I'm a mass communications major, with a focus in political communications, but that's still kind of up in the air. Thought about switching to international relations, engineering and pre med so I'm kind of all over the place.|
|Probably bacon? Well really cheese, but still. I'm more about the mixture of topping when it comes to pizza. After a while I got sick of my traditional pizza (bacon and pepperoni) and most traditional pizza toppings so I have created what I like to call the god pizza which I have been making pretty consistently that is a deep dish chicken, bacon, mushroom, onion, feta, with provolone cheese and garlic herb topping on the whole thing with butter cheese crust. It is delicious, I promise.|
|It's just a habit. You don't do anything differently than others?||No, I just know how to open yogurt like a civilized human being.|
|I've seen a lot of things, and have a lot of stories, the majority of which are testaments to why you should always tip your delivery driver.||The worst ones are delivering to sketchy parts of town. There's one area that every driver complains about having to deliver to, and on my first night, I had a few deliveries, and this was before I got my pepper spray and I am very not strong, in a "I punch like a marshmallow way" nor am I a particularly good runner, so its a very vulnerable moment walking up to a house in pitch dark to knock on a door in a neighborhood you know is violent. Anyway this guy answers the door and is obviously high out of his mind, and just looks me up and down, giggles, goes to reach out at me, and then the door just slams. I was terrified, and ready to run back to my car, and this his wife answers the door and pays in exact change, before slamming the door in my face again. I'm actually pretty lucky, a couple drivers have been robbed a knife/gunpoint. It's not the safest job. Getting catcalled by people you can't see while walking around in a dark apartment complex is another terrifying moment. And literally always needing gas for your car.|
|How often do the people at your school use the words "sick" and "bro" but sadly never referring to a "sick brother"?||I stay as far away from greek life as possible, both in normal life and in my job, because sorority girls never, ever tip and frat bros are a 50/50 shot. But yeah, it probably happens.|
|So you play magic and league. Have you ever had to deliver to an internet cafe or game store that you frequent? If so, was it awkward?||That's never happened because most of my league-related socializing is within a relatively small friend group (lets say 15, a lot of whom don't live nearby), and of that group three of work at the store and one of us used to, and I'm not that involved with my school's league/magic group.|
|Also my preferred store is in my hometown, way out of delivery range, and I'm not a big fan of the local ones. It took me a while to get comfortable at my store, and I don't want to really go through that again. They know I deliver pizza now though, they feel sorry for me. I thought about getting a job at a card shop, but I don't really know enough, I'm kind of a "fucking casual" now, my magic prime was a few years ago. I mean, honestly, if I tried I could get a job because of the female minority in the magic community, but I don't really want to exploit that, or have guys with 10 years on my age staring at my tits.|
|We normally chill at my friends apartment right next to the store, so we do walk over for pizza a lot though.|
|Do "big sausage pizza" videos paint your profession in a negative light?||My boyfriend delivered pizza before I did and more than once he entered the house saying, "did someone order a sausage pizza?" in a fake sexy voice.|
|Not anymore than teachers, cops, plumbers, nuns, etc.|
|Whats you funniest fart story?||My friend caroline likes to burp in my face, so one time I ate taco bell then sat on her.|
|Revenge was sweet.|
|What is the pizza people order the most?||Large pepperoni. easy. Which is actually kind of annoying because pizzas with just pepperoni have to have their pepperonis counted out and placed a specific way.|
|USC (South Carolina)? Pretty sketchy areas outside of the "campus"||Not USC, sorry.|
|Was that close? You have to give some other hint :/||Naaahhh, no one needs to know|
|What is your favorite kind of pizza? Do you have a one liners to go with any certain kinds of pizza?||Deepdish chicken, bacon, light onion, mushroom, provolone cheese garlic herb topping over the whole thing, with butter cheese crust.|
|"did somebody order a sausage pizza?"wink|
|Do you only think about the gasoline cost? There's a lot more to vehicle expense that needs to be built into the worth-it-or-not calculation -- starting with vehicle depreciation based on total mileage.||Yeah, that's the shitty part about this job. Gas is totally covered, but it's really hard on your car. I have tires that are a year old, I have to buy a new one because I have a nail on the side where they can't patch, and my brake pads need to be replaced sooner and stuff.|
|I'm planning a huge prank for the Tri-Lams. What kind of Hungry Howie's crust do the jocks prefer: cajun or regular?||Cajun, easy. garlic is really popular too.|
|Is it the University of Georgia?? I got that right didn't I?||Nope.|
|Is your Hungry Howies currently for sale?||No.|
|Whenever I open yogurt towards me, it always explodes everywhere. But whenever I open it away from me, it works fine. WHY.||Why are you opening yogurt towards you in the first beginning, are you weird or something.|
|What is the weirdest thing you've been offered to pay for the pizza.||Nothing to pay for it really, but I get offered beer and other alcoholic beverages a lot. Which is nice and all, but I just have to say "haha, I'm eighteen" and they either say "nevermind" or "me too, do you want a beer?"|
|On game nights when I'm stuck in traffic I've more than once had people get out of their car, walk to mine, and knock on my window to offer my 50+ dollars for whatever pizza is in my car. Which, you have to say no to, but one time I had a return that I was taking back to the store, and since it was a cash order I just sold it to him and got a ten dollar tip for my trouble.|
|Have you ever been asked to perform in group sex? (Hint: Answer is yes. Or everyone who clicked on this will be very disappointed)||Like for my job? No. But one of the girls I worked with said she delivered to a hotel room to a couple and the woman was strapped naked to a bed, and the man asked her to join, so I guess it happens, just not to me.|
|Lol I wasn't expecting you to answer my silly question but I appreciate the honesty.||I don't order pizza because we can't order from other pizza chains, and its cheaper to pick up because we get half off pizza and I live close, so we always do pick up orders, but I ordered from Jimmy Johns yesterday and gave a six dollar tip, but that's because I had the cash and I know I'm on the very edge of their delivery zone, far enough that I have to call because online says I'm out of their range. But I generally will tip about 5 dollars, because I always have the cash for it.|
|Seriously though, what is an appropriate tip for a food delivery person. I normally tip $3 to $5 and even if it took forever, I will express my frustration but still tip. Am I cheap or tipping to much? I know you'll probably say nothing is ever "too much" but seriously. How much do YOU tip your delivery guy?||Really though, no one is going to complain about a $3 plus tip, and even getting stiffed in poorer areas isn't really annoying, the bottom line is tip what you feel comfortable with and what you can afford. If I get 2 dollar tip from an apartment that I know costs 1200 dollars a room from a college student that is being supported by their parents, and a 2 dollar tip from a really poor area, one is annoying and one I am grateful for. It all depends, as long as you are tipping, you are one of the better ones.|
|Did you really expect that much in-depth conversation from a post in which she so blatantly showcased her chode inducing cleavage?||"blatantly showcased" I'm wearing a tshirt at a lan party, if I wanted to blatantly showcase my cleavage, you'd know it, that's the worst my boobs have looked in a picture in years.|
|So you are telling me you could not have taken that same pic without your tits in it? You could have even cropped it but no you left it. I mean I don't blame they look great, it's an eye catcher.||Yeah man, obviously I should have known to crop out the bottom inch of the photo which contained boobs, how could I expect anyone to contain themselves, this is the internet, how will anyone take me seriously if I have cleavage, woah. My bad, better go buy a burqa, shit.|
|Do you smoke weed? The only acceptable answers are yes and yes.||Nah, it isn't really my thing.|
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